Let's not make this like the other one; or rather, the one about chasing pavements.

I know that I'm difficult to understand
and, at times, even more difficult to suffer;

but I ask for your patience
to get to know me better
as I get to know myself better too.

The idea of trekking into some great unknown of inter and intrapersonal growth scares me
Even moreso, the idea of having to do it by myself.


You see, thing is, I don't really know what I want
or what it is I want to ask for
because for so long now, I thought that I've been acting mature
and admirable
by trying to ask for nothing, and trying to give everything.

Wanting, and exerting effort, to get to know you better
but keeping myself, and my consciousness and conscience
in some hidden dimension, as to attempt to appear strong
strong willed
and just the right kind of person
to give you what you want and need
(even though I most probably can't)


Not knowing that in doing so, I muddied up
not only what I now think I know I want
but also the very definition of asking and taking
and of self-preservation and devotion.


A lot of people are telling me about the merits of selfishness
and objectivism
and learning to love myself
I think I did, when what I wanted to do
was to love you.

I don't want to be selfish
and I tried not to,
but I ended up being more than I thought I would have been,
because selfishness isn't in asking and begging
but in taking.

I thought that my asking, and my taking
was present in my giving
and in your returning


but now I realize that it's not, as it wasn't
and it's not your fault
because I never asked for what I was asking for
and so, its only natural that I never got what I never wanted.


So sorry if I snap
and sorry if I do things I don't want to
and sorry if i'm hard to understand
and if I try your patience so many times

I'm going to be a little selfish now
and ask for what it is that I want

I want you to stick with me
I want you to bear me
and be there for me

I want you to choose me.
choose to stay through floods and storms
to be tempted to leave and fly away
but to choose to keep both feet planted on the ground
and your arms around me.


even though sometimes, I can't give the right answers
or any answer at all.


Stay there for me
the way I'm staying here for you


and when all is done
and things are to be said
I will wait with bated breath
for a word, any word to come